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Dear Heidi

Me and my girlfriend Tamara just love the new column. We are getting married at Christmas and cannot wait. Tamara´s mum and dad have taken the whole thing badly.

They were not cool about Tamara coming out, her mum’s Catholic. But they came round

and were always cordial to me (though I am sure they are only doing that to keep the peace).

However, the news of the wedding sparked fury and her parents have not spoken to us since before the pandemic. They live a few hours from us and I thought of going and talking to them. Tamara told me not to, but Heidi I just know she wants them there … What shall I do?

Dominica, Leeds

Congratulations Dominica and Tamara on your upcoming wedding! Being married myself

I love a wedding and let’s make yours the dream you both wish for.

First, as you say Tamara’s parents have come around once; even if it is only cordial, as you say, it is a start. Tamara has told you not to go over there and I agree. Confrontation can sometimes turn ugly.

My suggestion is to sit down and write a letter to Tamara parents on how you feel

and how much you want them there. Before you post it show it to Tamara and get her blessing. As you say, it will make the wedding complete for her.

Give it a week for them to digest and if they have not called give them a buzz and suggest meeting for lunch or tea somewhere neutral, as close as possible to midway between where you both live. You may have to be the bigger person and make sure when you meet you´re all about empathy for them to keep the peace.

Sadly, when religion comes into play, some families do not come round. Then, all I can say is we make our own special family in this world. Tamara and you are now each other’s family.

Love, Heidi

About the author

Heidi Gammon

Heidi Gammon is a qualified integrative counsellor incorporating CBT, Person Centered and Psychodynamic theories and has excellent knowledge in issues such as: adoption, LBGTQI+, bereavement, relationship issues, trauma, anxiety, infertility, stress and more.

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