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Not every relationship is plain sailing... Heidi gives advice for when things are getting a little difficult.


Dear Heidi 

This may sound awful. I am straight man with two grown up kids. Six months ago, I was on a
business trip and got chatting to this gay guy who was super cool and really pretty. Heidi, I
slept with him, and I woke in shock and left without saying goodbye. Ever since I cannot get

him out of my mind. He is going to be at the next conference in February and I am dying to
try again. My wife of twenty years would freak if she knew. What should I do; sleep with him
again or put it down to a one off? 

Daryll, Newcastle

Hi Daryll, 

Thanks for your letter, you must be all over the place with emotions. Firstly
ask yourself, “Is this something that made me feel alive and happy?”. You say
you cannot get him out of your mind. Many people come out as gay later in life, and others
discover they are bisexual or pan. It could be a good idea to talk to qualified counsellor.
Have you ever been to a gay bar before or found another man attractive in the past? Or has
having a family pushed it to the back of your mind? How do you feel about your marriage?
Has the fact your children are now grown up started to make you feel different? If you choose to see this man again (and I can not tell you not to or to go ahead, that’s your
choice), ask yourself has your marriage run its course or do you still want to live in a

Living a double life can be painful and unhealthy, and deceiving her can have terrible affects
not just on your wife but the whole family. As I say, try chatting to someone before leaping
to make life changing decisions.

Love Heidi

Dear Heidi 

Love the column. Heidi, my wife is cheating on me with her assistant at the hairdressing
shop she works at. It is so obvious the little bitch made a bee line from the minute she
started there. I really want to go the shop and punch her one.

My wife says it is rubbish and because she says her assistant is from Poland, she is just
helping her and that I am paranoid. But I am not stupid: all these late nights never happened
till she started work at the salon. What can I do Heidi, I love my wife and do not want to lose

Beryl, Stockport

Hi Beryl, 

So sorry to hear this; I can hear the anger in your letter. This is such a tricky situation.
Relationships are based on trust. If your wife says she is not cheating, maybe you need to
leave it at that. Hairdressing can be long hours and not always consistent.

You do not want to become obsessive about something that may not be happening. It can
push those you love away and that’s the last thing you want to do. I think it would be a good
idea to go and get some couples counselling. There you can explain how you feel to your
wife in a safe space.

If she loves you and wants to save your relationship, she will go and take it seriously. Try and
have some calm conversations about how it’s making you feel. It’s not unusual to feel a little
jealous and tiny bit paranoid when something like this happens in a relationship. But Beryl, if
your concerns turn out to be unwarranted, it’s not a nice feeling but you may need to do
some work on yourself.

I really hope it all works out,

Love Heidi

About the author

Heidi Gammon

Heidi Gammon is a qualified integrative counsellor incorporating CBT, Person Centered and Psychodynamic theories and has excellent knowledge in issues such as: adoption, LBGTQI+, bereavement, relationship issues, trauma, anxiety, infertility, stress and more.

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