I’m only two years old and so most of my life has been spent under these fantastic lockdown restrictions. Lockdown has been BRILLIANT for us dogs! If our humans aren’t allowed to go out, then we’re left alone less often and you know how much we love company. Honestly, sometimes I don’t know what you two-leggers are complaining about. So, when I heard that my parents had planned to stay at the Hilton Brighton Metropole for the weekend, one of the gay capital of England’s swankiest hotels, I was rather miffed.

But then I heard that the Metropole was one of Hilton’s PET FRIENDLY properties, welcoming humans along with their canine companions.

The bloody c*t.

I set about being a very good girl so they would take me with them. The last thing I wanted was to be left at home with nobody but the dog sitter and the bloody c*t for company. I made sure that I looked cute, that I didn’t beg at table and that I didn’t bark at the c*t every time she came back home after one of her killing sprees (she is a psychopath, like all c*ts).

Our room was fantastic, with a big food bowl, a big water bowl and a comfy dog bed in the corner.

When we arrived at the hotel, I have to say I was impressed. There were lots of other dogs in reception and quite a big queue, but there were loads of humans working behind the counter so the queue moved very quickly. This was A GOOD THING because humans don’t like having to wait around. The marble floor was spotless – no mean feat given that the reception area was full of dogs of all shapes and sizes. I thought it would be funny to do a wee in reception, but decided against it as it would have made my humans very cross as well as embarrassing me in front of the other dogs. Some of the other dogs came over and sniffed my bottom. To be honest, I thought that was a bit forward, but that’s Brighton for you.

The view from our room.

Beef Doguignon.

Our room was fantastic, with a big food bowl, a big water bowl and a comfy dog bed in the corner. There was also some human stuff too, like a king sized bed, a sofa, a big telly and a luxurious en-suite bathroom. The dog bed looked great, but I decided to make the human bed my own. My humans kept picking me up off their bed and putting me on the dog bed, but every time they did it I just got up and jumped straight back on to the human bed. After two or three times, they gave up like they always do. They’re such chumps.

There was also a room service menu just for dogs, including Beef Doguignon and Mutt Roast. Mutt Roast is a vegetarian option – weird – but each to their own.

Being right on the seafront meant that it was easy for us to take long bracing walks on the beach. On Sunday morning we watched some people abseiling off the i360 viewing tower which was insane and I did a poo right in the middle of the beach volleyball court. It was HILARIOUS watching my dad spoiling his brand new white Reeboks when he went to pick it up with a poo bag.

Three sausages.

The breakfast was amazing. My parents had a full English and I had three sausages. It was difficult for my mum and dad to deal with me and a buffet all at the same time, but the staff were so helpful. My parents always say that it doesn’t matter how luxurious a hotel is if the service is bad, and the service at the Metropole was first class. A special mention has to go to Mark Davis, the Outlets Manager, and also to the brilliantly-named Dorjee Dorjee, the Deputy C&B Operations Manager. I have no idea what those job titles mean, but I do know that they went above and beyond the call of duty to make sure that we were looked after. I cocked my head at them in that cute way that people seem to like and, entirely predictably, they fell in love with me. You humans are soooo easy to manipulate!

After breakfast we went for a walk and then checked out. Lots of people were checking out at the same time but, just like when we were checking in, there were lots of people working at the desk so the queue moved fast. 

Apparently Hilton have a lot of pet-friendly hotels all over the country so I shall be urging my parents to book another one. I had a wonderful time and the c*t is green with envy. Now that’s what I call a win-win.

You can find out more about Hilton’s Dog Friendly hotels here.

Here’s how we reported Hilton’s brilliant dog-friendly initiative.

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