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Once considered the preserve of gay men and something of a taboo for women, more and more girls are taking their first steps on the way to enjoying some significant rearguard action. But if your bum has been sporting an “exit only” sign for your whole life, the thought of backdoor penetration can still be a little daunting.

But hey, why should the boys have all the fun? So, without any further, erm, arsing about, let’s launch into our top tips…and thanks to our friends at Wet For Her for helping out with product recommendations.

Not all openings are the same.

Nobody knows your own body like you do, and this may be stating the obvious, but your bum has neither the knack for self-lubrication nor the elasticity of your vagina. Think about it: we’re designed to be able to stretch to accommodate childbirth (albeit with some degree of discomfort) while our bum only has to expand to be able to pass a big poo. 

So, that’s why it’s important to…


Tension is no friend to sex of any sort, but anal is simply not going to happen if you’re not relaxed. A drink may help (don’t get bladdered though, you need to stay in control) and if you’re reading this in a territory where cannabis is legal, you might want to skin up a joint. 

Make sure you’re comfortable in your environment and it should go without saying that you must have 100% trust in your partner. The giver might want to try kissing, licking and rimming before any serious penetration (rimming only involves the tip of the tongue) – not only will this relax the receiver, it feels pretty good too.

Let’s keep it clean.

Notwithstanding some really out-there fetishes, most people prefer a clean bottom. But let’s face facts, getting involved with the back door can result in the occasional bit of mess. 

If even the tiniest bit of poo turns your stomach then anal may not be for you, but if you’re okay with the occasional piece of residue on, for example, the tip of a dildo, you should be fine.

Preparation is key. Anal aficionados will make sure their bowels are empty prior to getting it on, and will invest in a douche. Keep some wipes nearby.

We’ll talk about penetration a little later but, while we’re on the subject of cleanliness, never ever flit between the bum and the pussy with the same toy or fingers. However clean and healthy you are, anal and vaginal bacteria are not compatible so, even in the heat of battle, the giver should bear this in mind. 

Get into the habit of using condoms on your toys and latex gloves for your hands.

Lube once, lube twice then lube again.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, your bottom doesn’t self-lubricate so you need to step up and invest in some water based lube. Silicon is fine too but never oil – it can damage your toys.

Take a look at Wet for Her’s selection here – there’s even a vegan option which is probably the most lesbian thing we’ve ever heard.

It’s lube and it’s vegan.

Buy more than you think you’ll need. Running out mid-session is, like, AAAAAAARGH!

Make like a tortoise and take it S-L-O-W.

So, to recap: you’re relaxed, horny and twitching with anticipation. It may well take more than one session to train your arse to take anything like the size of toy you can use round the front, so start off with one finger – but only if the giver doesn’t have long sharp natural nails. If she does, then kick off with a thin vibe or dildo. 

Wet For Her recommends the Quaker Plus Anal Vibe which widens from the tip to the base so, once the receiver is comfortable with a certain width, the giver can GENTLY go in a little further.

Wet For Her’s Quaker Plus.

Once the receiver is taking it like a pro, you can graduate to more substantial products like these.

Come on mate, COMMUNICATE!

“Harder”, “softer”, “pull it out a bit”, “slow down”, “get that bloody thing out of me”…just say what you feel. Sex is always better when the participants communicate with each other and it’s never more important than during anal, especially for the inexperienced. If you’re the receiver, don’t worry about coming across as a Bossy Betty – the giver will appreciate the guidance.

Communicate with each other.

Don’t neglect the front.The vagina and anus share a load of nerve endings so stimulating your pussy at the same time as your arse doubles up on pleasure big time. Clitoral stimulation is always a winner and many girls recommend a product with a suction cup, like this Heart dildo which also works as a strap on. 

The Heart.

Which reminds us…

Let’s talk about strap-ons.

If you really want to feel like you’re fucking/being fucked up the arse (and, let’s face it, who among us doesn’t?) you may want to get a strap-on off the subs bench and introduce it into the game. It’s fine to use a dildo designed for a vagina but keep it small to start with. 

We rather like this Pride strap-on which works with a harness or via suction.

The Pride Plus.

Choose a safe word.

Those of us who embrace BDSM will be familiar with the concept of a safe word, a word or phrase that you and your partner agree that, whatever the circumstances, means STOP RIGHT NOW – no questions asked.

The same applies to anal, especially for the less experienced. 

Never have anal sex with anyone who does not agree to a safe word. If you feel discomfort, pain or have your own reasons for wanting to knock your session on the head, no – or whatever safe word you choose – must always mean no.

Have a GREAT time!

Remember! Sex is supposed to be fun, so don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. That being said, exploring taboos and pushing the boundaries together can be a mindblowing sexual experience and, as long as you trust each other, you’re not going to go far wrong.

Massive thanks to the fabulous women at for their invaluable help with this article. Find them on Twitter here and on Instagram here.

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Fifi Goldberg

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