I am back and this month is all about summer holidays. Believe it or not, holidays can be bliss for some, but they can test relationships and friendships to the very limit. My biggest tip is to talk about your expectations before you go away. Cover everything from money to how you like to spend your time to dining out.
Enjoy the column,
Hope you are well. I have been dating what must be the love of my life for almost a year and she is amazing in every way. The only problem is that she seems to come as a plus one; her best pal of twenty years is always there. Now to kick off with, I was all for it as I wanted to get to know all her pals and family. I really like the best friend but sometimes people think that they are a couple. Now I asked my partner to come on holiday and next thing I know the friend and a gay male pal of hers are joining us. The friend never seems to date or have a girlfriend of her own. She can get a little sulky if you leave her out of things. I really feel it is time I put my foot down. What do you think?
Thank you for this, I am totally on your side. But what on earth is going on in the relationship that you have not been vocal about your feelings up to now? It is healthy to have mutual and your own friends within a loving relationship. But it is about two people in most instances.
You need to be vocal about how you feel. Make it clear that you do not want to cut the friend out of your lives but from your end there is a need to cut back on them being included in everything you do.
The friend sounds like she is a pseudo partner for your girlfriend; perhaps over the years they have leaned on each other.
Please do not issue an ultimatum, just make it a sensible discussion. The relationship, as it stands, may grind to a halt if you’re feeling suffocated by a third party. You sound like you are already beginning to resent the friend – that feeling will only grow and you´ll end up
exploding. Talk to her before that happens.
Best of luck,
My wife and I enjoy a great sex life. She just adores toys and games, and I am all for it too. However, I am a very private person and like what we do behind closed doors to remain that way. We are off to Mykonos in June and she is already planning what sex toys to bring as well as what to wear. Honestly Heidi, I will be mortified if customs open our bag and a sex toy falls out. My wife thinks I am being square and just laughed at me, saying “It’s Mykonos. Everyone parties!” What can I do?
Debbie my love,
You are so right, what you do in the bedroom should stay private. Your wife seems to be really looking forward to having a great time and it seems that sex toys are something she enjoys and is not embarrassed to take with her.
Customs have seen it all so I doubt they will bat an eyelid. Can I suggest that you tell her loud and clear that you are feeling uncomfortable about this. Meet her halfway, let her take a few items in HER luggage and leave you out of the situation. I presume you’re not talking about her taking the whole 50 Shades catalogue?! This is a new era, a few bits won’t cause a scandal and you will make your wife happy.
Have a fab time,
I am going back to the Grand Canaries for three weeks in June with my best pal Howard. He is lots of fun, but he is never off Grinder I lost count of the men that came and went last holiday. It kind of ruined the trip last time as we shared a small apartment villa. Heidi, I am more the romantic kind.
The option to have two separate small villas is only a bit more expensive than the one we had shared: this will give me some much needed time away from the moans from his bed. Heidi I am happy to pay the difference, but I do not want to offend him. What should I say?
Good on you for stepping out as romantic and do not be ashamed of it. Honestly Howard sounds like he does not care what you or anyone thinks, as long as he is having fun. So, who is there to offend?
Tell him the truth: the comings and goings were too much for you last holiday. That’s not your idea of a good time, so you would like your own space. More to the point, he does not sound like your idea of a holiday partner so maybe it is time for you to find someone more compatible. Let Howard hit Grinder and find himself someone more like him.
Trust me, Heidi is all about fun, so I am not judging Howard; if that’s the path he has chosen I hope he enjoys it. Just sounds like you want a different holiday experience.
Gosh Heidi, I am really going to sound selfish here. I am dating this guy and we have been together for six months and I could not be happier. He has actually paid for us to go to Florida Key West. You can imagine my excitement! Then he announced that the hotel was “clothing optional”, so we can let it all hang out. Heidi, I do not mind at home, but “Naked Attraction” is like a bad dream to me. Do I say nothing and just not disrobe when I get there? Then again, I am not sure I want other people looking at my fella’s bits. Help, I am dreading the trip now.
Iain, Clacton on Sea
I am with you on this, and I take my hat off to the nudists, but that’s as far as Heidi goes. It is lovely that your boyfriend booked a surprise holiday for you, but does he know your tastes or is it that he booked a holiday to his liking and you are coming along?
Six months is a short time to get to know one another. For sure, a holiday will test any relationship. My advice is to be honest and discuss not just the nudity aspect of the trip but what you expect from the trip. Even if it is a gift, you should still be able to express what is going to make you happy on holiday.
Trust Heidi, there is nothing worse than a holiday where you’re not happy with your companion romantically or as friends. It does not sound like you’re going on a package holiday so maybe suggest changing to a hotel where the breakfast view does not come with a good look at someone’s sausage and two grilled tomatoes.