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OPINION: gay autistic and dyslexic comedian Robert White struggles to have one

Robert White was asked to write an opinion piece and this is what is mind wrote…

Asked to write an opinion piece as a comedian, who’s more used to obscuring my opinions in favour of silliness, and as a person who’s not so attuned with current affairs or such is a hard task.

Indeed, asking me to write anything is quite tricky being dyslexic, and I always baulk at such tasks; and no, my opinion piece isn’t about dyslexia, people have known about that for Argos…I mean for ages. 

Looking in the papers I see much scandal about sexual improprieties and abuse, and whilst my show/opera/thing, which confused and impressed people in equal measure at The Edinburgh Festival, has got elements related to that, because I was
in an abusive relationship, it’s too different to make a parallel.

So, I scan the TV and Donald the Trumpster pops up. Today looking at him (well obviously NOT looking directly at him, he’s sort of like an eclipse where you have to squint in order to avoid damage from all that radiates out from the humongous mass of gases) I try to see if there’s anything I can talk about, he, quite aptly, comes up Trumps.

Donald Trump is a lump of gas

His thing at the moment is that the ‘problem with gun crime in America isn’t the guns, it is
mental illness’. ‘Ta da!!!’ I think to myself, after all my response to my abusive relationship was a mental breakdown where I was going to play a practical joke, doing a comedy armed robbery, with a music stand; I was going to say, ‘music stand
and deliver’.

However, the Donald is not so right-on, for he’s not saying we need to tackle mental illness, he’s just using it to deflect from tackling guns.

And, in my case, whilst I had an extreme autistic wobbly, I have Asperger’s btw, my mind may have been acting erratically but my music stand was never going to harm anyone and when the police eventually discovered me, they were not carrying guns with which to mistakenly shoot me.

British police do not generally carry guns or music stands

That being said, the system did find its own particular way to create a miscarriage of justice, after deciding that me needing a rest was to them more like me needing ‘arrest’, damn you dyslexia!

Being gay and autistic – yes there are 2 ways I can’t think straight – is a thing which I used to talk about, although now it’s a bit passé. Many people have done documentaries to highlight autism, Chris Packham being the most recent although he’s not like me. He likes birds. *Tumbleweed* sorry! I’m legally obliged to have one token gay joke.

So here I am, with a task to present an opinion in a way to entice people to see my show, when all my opinions are expressed through my show, in music, in comedy and in live performance, and so I’m still stumped writing this to be honest.

My show is a mish-mash with of lots of topics covered; autism, dyslexia, it’s a one-man opera, it’s about coming out, it’s about going to prison, it’s a really screwed up Stephen Fry type coming-of-age tale which is so highly obscure that an opinion piece was never going to work, because frankly it’s the sort of thing people watch and make their own opinions on.

Both opinions on it and opinions on what it is about. And that, in the end, is my opinion, that you should come and see
my story. A story that is confusing as it is enthralling and as random as it is stark.

(Editor’s note: okay then…er, thanks Robert! Erm…yes. Robert White’s hilarious and clever show InstruMENTAL is on at the Leicester Square Theatre on Tuesday December 5. BOOK NOW!)

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