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When we ask that age old question “does size matter?” we’re usually talking about whether the size of your gentleman’s appendage has any affect on your ability to satisfy your partner between the sheets.

Well, now it turns out that there’s a direct correlation between the size of your trouser sausage and how well you do in the workplace. And guess what, the results are surprising.

Well hung doesn’t necessarily mean well off, with the highest earners boasting (if that’s the right word) the smallest todgers.

Chaps with 3” (7.6 cm) of love meat in their Y-fronts earn an average of £58,000 per year while those with a 7” (17.8 cm) dong drop down the salary scale to just £38,000 per year. Fellas with an impressive 8” (20.3 cm) might look good in their speedos but have to struggle along on an annual salary of £27,000.

These figures, based on a survey of 997 men, are borne out by the fact that those with a 4” (10 cm) bulge in their slacks are rewarded for their penile modesty with an average of 2.9 promotions over a five year period.

This hugely (or not) significant survey also asked about the relationship between penis sizes in different job sector, and hats (helmets?) off to manual labourers who have more 6” and 7” manhoods than any other sector, with people who work in the arts coming in a close second in the 6” and 7” stakes but winning the race for the most 8 inchers by a tip.

Bankers and lawyers – dontcha just love ’em – are the smallest but, then again, they tend to be the richest, while medical professionals are pretty average sizewise.

Why is this? Who knows? Perhaps it’s because those with the biggest love darts are so busy showing off that they haven’t got time to focus on work, or maybe it’s that smaller blokes feel they have something to prove.

Methodology: surveyed 997 men across the UK asking them their penis length, job role and salary. OnBuy were then able to assess the data and see correlations between penis length and salary, as well as which job sectors had the highest proportions of large, average, and small penises.  

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Fifi Goldberg

2 thoughts on “Who knew? Penis size determines your salary and your job.”

  1. The smallest penis reported to date had a length of 0.48 inches. On the other hand there have also been reports of penises measuring up to 13.97” long. However, these measures are very rare. Kinsey, renowned author of the homonimous study, maintained that the myths concerning the penis measures of the black male are highly exaggerated.

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