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Dear Heidi

I am trans woman, or as I like to say – a woman.

I met what I thought was a lovely guy out one night. I am always up front and

he said the fact that I was trans was not a problem. We have amazing sex and for over 14 months he was sweet and bought me gifts and even a car; we jetted all over the world.

Last week he announced out of the blue he was getting married to a girl he met in Dubai. He hoped we could be friends!

And after he made an inappropriate comment that he hoped his new wife knew how to go down on him like me, he upped and left. 

Heidi, I feel so cheap and used. Should I contact him and tell him? I have not heard a word since then.

Nicole, Brighton

Dear Nicole

It seems clear to me that you may not have talked enough  about what you both expected from one another, and then he dropped this bombshell on you. Or you were so caught up in the sex and glamorous lifestyle he offered, you never heard that it was not a long-term thing.

First, all you mention about the relationships is sex, gifts and overseas travel Of course, good sex is nice, and gifts add to the romance, but you may have been sending out the wrong messages.

Be clear what you’re looking for and let the other person know. If they are just looking for a great time, great sex and to treat you, then at least you know from the start.

I know many women who have transitioned and are in happy relationships with cis, heterosexual men. Equally, many struggle to find love and acceptance often, sadly, because of anti-trans pressure in society. You need to have common ground, some similar interests and fall in Love.

I really think you should learn your lesson from this and let this ship sail even if it is as far asDubai. After all, my love, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Good luck gorgeous


About the author

Heidi Gammon

Heidi Gammon is a qualified integrative counsellor incorporating CBT, Person Centered and Psychodynamic theories and has excellent knowledge in issues such as: adoption, LBGTQI+, bereavement, relationship issues, trauma, anxiety, infertility, stress and more.

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