Our friends at the online pharmacy From Mars, who clearly have a lot of time on their hands, have been gathering data from Google to rank the average penis size in 86 countries from OH MY GOD at number one, to IS IT IN YET? at number 86.
South American and African gents dominate the chart, with Ecuador (average erection 6.93 inches / 17.61 cm) claiming the prized top spot. The only European country troubling the top ten is the Netherlands who come in at joint seventh alongside Cuba and Gambia, all three tied on 6.25 inches (15.87 cm).
Honours in the thousand-year-old cross-channel rivalry go to the French – a respectable 11th place with the average Gallic hard-on measured at 6.2 inches / 15.74 cm – while British blokes could only manage 66th place, producing a modest 5.17 inches / 13.13 cm. And if the future of the Falkland Islands’ territorial dispute were to be solved not by diplomacy or war, but instead by the gentlemen of each country taking part in a “measure off” (our ex-boarding school readers will be familiar with the concept), they’ll be dancing on the streets of Buenos Aries as our Argentinian friends celebrate taking 30th place with an average length of 5.86 inches / 14.88 cm.
Whether penis size matters has been a topic of much heated debate since time began. While there is probably such a thing as too big – “don’t you dare come near me with that thing” – and too small – “I paid for dinner for THAT!” – most people agree that it’s what you do with it that counts. In fact, there is a significant school of thought that ascribes to the idea that those with the biggest appendages make the worst lovers, believing that all they need to do is turn up, while those who are more modestly endowed tend to be more inventive in the sack.
Sadly, no data has been gathered on girth – the circumference of the erect penis at the base – which many people who like to be on the receiving end of penile action say is more important than length. This is often characterised as the great “Coke can vs. cucumber” debate. Hopefully, next time the boffins at From Mars have some time on their hands, they’ll throw themselves into some girth research to illuminate us all.