Opinion

OPINION: Don’t call me daddy!

Luke McKibben is about to turn 30 and he can’t handle the way younger gay guys are talking about him!

I never thought I’d be approaching 30 and single. It was never my plan. I’ve been in relationships all through my twenties and I spent the last few years getting to know myself before meeting what I thought was going to be the man I’d later marry.

Do I look like a daddy?

Of course the universe had another plan. Now here I am turning 30 in six months and starting to feel the pressure. After licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself I thought it was time to get back into the dating world.

I have kissed a few frogs, went on some Interesting dates.  Some have turned into great friends others I hide from on a night out.  Growing up I used to laugh at the older men trying to hit on me on the old sites like Manhunt or Adamforadam.

Oh my god, even as I type this I’m starting to show my age!  Grindr was not around when I was 17 or 18 years old! Maybe that’s a good thing…maybe I missed out.

Fast forward to 29-year-old single me, looking for love. With Grindr tinder and all those beloved apps, casual sex is easy to find but my dilemma of dating at 29 is knowing where my place is.

Which brings me to my plea to younger gay guys: DON’T CALL ME DADDY!

I  experienced my first ‘daddy’ message on Grindr this week from a younger gay boy in his early twenties. “Hey daddy” he wrote!

At first when I looked at the message I was taken aback and clutched my imaginary pears. I AM IN NO WAY A DADDY! It only added to my anxiety of getting older.  My age isn’t even on my profile for that reason.

Me aged 22…when I thought 30 was old

So I indulged in the conversation anyway.  Making small talk and chatting.  In each message back he always included the word ‘daddy’ and in no way was this making me feel more comfortable about meeting him.

What does ‘daddy’ actually mean?  Do I have to pay for all the dates, does this 20 something become a finical dependent?  Where is the line drawn between daddy, and sugar daddy? And who expects what? Is it some form of  empowerment?

This guy was 22  so on the dating spectrum for me he’s too young. Socially we wouldn’t have much in common. For

He seemed to think that I should feel lucky to be approached by a younger man like he was some kind of VIP because of his youth.

OK so I might need to lighten up, it might work for some people, maybe he saw me as a strong independent man that he would feel safe and protected with.

The truth is though, I’m not that at all. I’m feeling insecure about my age and unhappy about turning 30 single. I’m Just not ready to become anyone’s daddy.  Where’s mine?

Here’s the question, I guess: what do the “daddies” out there feel?  What are the “daddy” protocols?  Do I become that older person that my younger self used to laugh at? Being the older guy to younger ‘twinks’. Or do I date someone my age or older? Maybe I embrace the Daddy and just go with it?

Please don’t hate me for overthinking this, I know I should chill out but I wanted to be honest.

 

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